Paul's Social Suggestions

Before walking through any door, study the doorknob as though it were a completely foreign object. After a lengthy and thorough inspection, tentatively use it. When the door opens, act startled, dash through quickly, then as you're walking away keep glancing back at it uneasily with a look of complete distrust, as if you'd expect it to pounce on you.

Go around dropping objects on the floor, then blurting "Oops!" in a voice that is inappropriately loud, but only slightly.

Tie your right and left shoelaces together, then stumble around with a look of frustrated confusion, as if you didn't understand why walking was so difficult all of a sudden.

As you walk around, keep glancing upwards intently with furrowed brow, as if you were trying to find a small object stuck to the ceiling (if you're indoors), or you were trying to spot a distant flying object (if you're outdoors). If you notice anyone else instinctively glancing upwards upon seeing you, ask him or her, "What are you looking at?"

Try to wordlessly hand people assorted small objects, like paperclips and buttons. No matter what they do in response, shout "Hey!"

When someone's talking to you for an extended period of time, nod continuously in agreement, but alternate muttering "yup" and "nope" under your breath. When they finish talking, ask "What?"

Sing loudly in falsetto whenever you're in a bathroom.

Issue strong warnings and reprimands where you would typically emphasize the word "NOT". However, use contractions and awkwardly emphasize "N'T". For example,

"Really, that isN'T funny!"
"Please, doN'T make me repeat myself!"
"No, I woN'T clean up your mess!"